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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642351">never thought we'd have a last kiss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrodrag/pseuds/astrodrag'>astrodrag</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>give to me your leather, take from me my lace [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Medical TW, Terminal Illness, hardcore angst, hospital tw, like this whole thing is just Sad, nothing is explicitly described but it's there, the goal was to make people cry (sorry)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:46:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrodrag/pseuds/astrodrag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kameron proposed to Blair, she thought she was getting her happily ever after. She expected them to be together forever, to have all the time in the world to revel in their love for one another.</p><p>She hated that she had been so wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blair St. Clair/Kameron Michaels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>give to me your leather, take from me my lace [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>never thought we'd have a last kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/gifts">artificialmac</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wrote this for Mac's birthday as a sort of sequel to "give to me your leather, take from me my lace". Happy birthday dude, enjoy!<br/>A huge thank you to Emerald for beta-ing!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Kameron proposed to Blair, she thought she was getting her happily ever after. She expected them to be together forever, to have all the time in the world to revel in their love for one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hated that she had been so wrong. They didn’t even get a </span>
  <em>
    <span>full year </span>
  </em>
  <span>together as a married couple before her illusion of a happy ending came crashing down around them both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kameron could still remember the night her world felt like it had come to an end. Sirens blaring as the rain pelted the windows of their home, the flashes of lightning in the distance mixing with the bright lights of the ambulance. The feeling of her hands shaking as bile rose in her throat was one she grew used to over time, almost becoming numb to the sensations after too many hospital visits to count. But that night, it was a new sensation, the anxiety and fear that came along with it so fresh that they threatened to overwhelm her. The edges of her vision were blurry, and she couldn’t tell if it was from tears or the stray raindrops on her face after she had run outside to meet the paramedics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered being alarmed by how calm they had been, how orderly and routine the call seemed to them. How quiet they had been as they loaded her wife into the back of the ambulance, the storm still raging on around them all without a care in the world. It felt almost comical, in hindsight, that she could start the tale of her wife’s decline in health with some cliche line about a dark and stormy night, but Kam had never really found comfort in that kind of dark humor. That was Blair’s thing, ironically enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But even she didn’t dare make those kinds of jokes about her health. And that told Kameron everything she needed to know about her wife’s own fear.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that first visit to the hospital, everything changed for Kameron and Blair. From their picnic dates to game nights with their friends, everything seemed to have a somber shadow cast over it from that point forward. They both fought tooth and nail to keep things normal for as long as they could, knowing that soon they wouldn’t be able to pretend any longer. They had been told they had 6 months left of normalcy, and they were determined to make the most of that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They never planned to have that time cut in half.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair’s second hospital visit happened only 3 months after the first. The sinking feeling in Kameron’s stomach had threatened to make her sick, causing the redhead to keep one hand over her mouth as she stood against the wall of the hospital room, watching nurses and doctors care for her wife throughout the night. She couldn’t help thinking this wasn’t fair, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Blair shouldn’t be sick at all, they should have had more time. What happened to their three more months of normalcy?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the course of one night, any illusion they had of a life together slipped away, and the phrase </span>
  <em>
    <span>until death do us part </span>
  </em>
  <span>echoed through Kameron’s mind like a broken record stuck on repeat.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>As things got worse, they had to adapt. Blair was quickly losing the ability to perform basic day-to-day tasks, no longer possessing the strength to do her usual morning yoga routine or move furniture around as she vacuumed the house. It killed Kameron to witness. The sparkle in Blair’s bright blue eyes gradually dimmed as she had to give up more and more of the things that made her feel alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They knew it was only a matter of time before Blair would be confined to bed rest, unable to even walk around their home on her own. Kameron’s eyes welled up with tears whenever she thought about their inevitable future, but each time she resisted the urge to cry. She was determined to stay strong for her wife, who had always been so strong for her during her darkest moments. It was the least she could do to repay the favor, and was the only thing she knew how to do as she watched Blair grow more and more frail with each passing day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amid Blair’s rapidly declining health, Kameron found herself staying home with her wife more, hours on end spent talking to keep Blair’s mind off the pain Kam knew she must have felt. They would talk about anything and everything, from fond childhood memories to recalling funny moments together, from their favorite movies to where they would go if they could travel anywhere. It was during these discussions that Kameron discovered Blair’s desire to see the west coast, having always fantasized about going on a cross-country roadtrip with friends. They made a pact then and there that come Blair’s birthday in just over a month, they would go on the road trip together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the time it had felt like a safe pact to make - the doctors had told them Blair had at least three months left. But when Blair passed away abruptly a week before they were set to leave, Kameron regretted ever promising Blair that roadtrip in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Holding a funeral for her late wife had felt like a cruel joke, one that ripped Kameron’s heart right out of her chest as she watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. No amount of </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry for your loss</span>
  </em>
  <span>’s made the funeral any easier, no number of pitying stares or delicate hugs could mend her broken heart. The rain falling from the dark sky reminded her distinctly of that first night Blair was rushed to the hospital, the irony of the weather not lost on her despite the pain she felt. In some sense, she was grateful for the rain, allowing her to silently shed tears without any fear of eliciting additional concern from other attendees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But in another sense, she hated that it was raining. Hated that she couldn’t stop thinking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> night, hated that she couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had Blair never gotten sick. She wanted to scream, wanted to blame everyone else for her wife’s death - the doctors for not doing more to save her, their friends for growing distant when they learned Blair had essentially become a ticking time bomb, their family for thinking </span>
  <em>
    <span>get well soon </span>
  </em>
  <span>cards and muffin baskets would cure Blair’s ailment. None of them </span>
  <em>
    <span>understood</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and the feeling of loneliness hit Kameron like a brick wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was in that moment that Kameron decided she needed a fresh start, an escape. So as soon as the funeral ended, Kameron went home to pack. Even if Blair was no longer with her, she was still determined to go on that road trip she had promised her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only instead of coming home afterwards, Kameron had decided she would stay wherever she ended up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she packed and cleared out their home over the following days, Kameron lost track of the number of times a loved one told her that she was insane or running away from her problems instead of facing them head on. She was only growing more and more frustrated with each remark, angry at their lack of understanding swirling together with the anger she felt over losing Blair. They weren’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying </span>
  </em>
  <span>to understand, and that was the worst part of all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when Kameron had finished emptying out the house that had once been her home, she left without saying goodbye to anyone. It felt oddly fitting, since Blair hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye to them either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kameron wasn't sure if she should call it poetic irony or some kind of cinematic parallel, though she assumed neither really fit. Her life had never been as beautiful as poetry, and lacked the magical optimism of the movies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as she loaded herself into her car to leave, she found herself not really caring what the hell she should call it. Instead, she just found herself itching for an escape, a new adventure with a slightly happier ending. It was what Blair would have wanted, she decided. And with that thought, she pulled out of their driveway as she fought back tears, her sights set on the west coast.</span>
</p>
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